Graced Fully

Shame is a feeling of contamination or being unclean.  It's feels as though you are flawed.  It presents with thoughts of, "I am a mistake. I don’t belong. I lack dignity."  Shame is different from guilt. Guilt is the feeling doing something wrong ( an action). Shame is the feeling of being wrong. It is an attack on your identity. Shame keeps you focused on yourself. It also exposes fear.

 

Left unchecked, shame will consume a life. It breeds addictions and compulsions as the person attempts to forget the shame or hide from it. Shame leads into bitterness, unforgiveness, and distance from Jesus.

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"Now, little children, abide in Him, so that when He appears, we may have confidence and not shrink away from Him in shame at His coming."

- 1 John 2:28

Shame is caused by deep wounds left untreated.  It usually comes from rejection, scorn, ridicule, and/or unjust punishment.  Shame can also be the product of certain family rules, such as keeping secrets, having to always be right, make no mistakes, and keeping up appearances. It makes you want to work and earn your worth.

 

Shame exists when ones belief about themselves is based upon lies.  Just as a parasite feeds on a host, shame feeds on lies. And the more lies one believes, the more shame will consume them.  While this is not an exhaustive list, here are 8 lies that nourish shame:

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1. What I feel is wrong (anger, loneliness, hurt).

2. It is selfish and wrong to have a need or ask a favor.

3. It is wrong to express a contrary opinion.

4. I should never allow myself to make a mistake.

5. Outside of the house I must be presentable at all times.

6. When I do my best, it is not enough.

7. My only purpose is to be used/abused.

8. I must be good enough; good is code for perfect

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A life controlled by shame is usually  evident by having foundational thoughts such as:

• never inconvenience others

• never become obligated to someone

• do everything perfect the first time

• let others only see what is perfect

• never have a critical thought of others

• never lose at anything

• don’t complain; do everything you are asked

• thrive on stress

• remember only the happy times

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Understanding what shame is and what causes it is the start to treating it.  The ultimate cure for shame  and the lies it thrives on is truth, God's truth.  When we believe the truth of what He says about us, rather than lies, shame is unable to survive.  God's truth kills the parasite of shame.

 

To learn the truth about what God says about you check out the article: